Biz knows how to float. She has her people, posse, her mum and the twins. She has Grace. And she has her dad, who tells her about the little kid she was, and who shouldn’t be here but is. So Biz doesn’t tell anyone anything. Not about her dark, runaway thoughts, not about kissing Grace or noticing Jasper, the new boy. And she doesn’t tell anyone about her dad. Because her dad died when she was seven. And Biz knows how to float, right there on the surface – normal okay regular fine.

How it Feels to Float by Helena Fox is a captivating debut novel about a young teenager who is struggling to cope with the death of her father. The book explores mental illness, grief, family, relationships, and sexual identity.

Biz’s father died 10 years earlier, but she sees him all the time. At school, at home, in her bedroom. He speaks to her and they spend time together, and she blames herself for his death. Both of them share a history of mental health — her father was ill for a long time, and was often absent. Biz is very much like her father, struggling to cope with her undiagnosed mental illness. She often feels like she’s floating, and like she can’t control her life or her decisions.

17-year-old Biz is both strong and fragile. Her mental illness and depression manifests itself in the form of hallucinations, panic attacks and disassociations. She’s an unreliable narrator, because others remember conversations differently to how she told us the conversations went. She suffers from memory loss, or perhaps she’s blocking out her memories because it’s too painful to process what’s happening to her.

“The new guy’s name is Jasper Alessio. He is tall and narrow. He has a strange gait, a limp, like his right leg is too slow to keep up — a stubborn dog not done with its walk. He has longish hair like everyone else. It goes over his eyes.”

Biz is on a journey to better understand herself, but she’s also on a journey to better understand her father. Along with Jasper, her new friend from school, the two pair up to discover — both metaphorically and literally — more about Biz’s dad and where he came from.

The biggest strength of the book is the writing. It’s exquisite — gorgeous sentences crafted to perfection. You can’t help but sit and finish the book, devouring each chapter and paragraph. There’s a poetic rhythm to Helena’s words. They flow so easily, and the writing is so lyrical and beautiful.

“The twins pull on their uniforms and complain about their socks (too tight! too itchy!). Mum assembles a limp salad for lunch and tries to find her car keys. Sylvia calls – I haven’t spoken to her since class ended. She’s rung me and I haven’t replied, but today I see her name on my screen and in a rush of birthday goodwill, finally answer.”

How it Feels to Float also explores sexual identity. At the beginning of the book, Biz has just kissed her best friend Grace, but the feelings are unrequited. Biz isn’t sure of what (or who) she wants, but this isn’t a central focus of the story. She’s not sure of her sexuality, and that’s okay. It’s not something she needs to figure out right now, but when she’s ready.

“A heart is a mystery and not a mystery. It hides under ribs, pumping blood. You can pull it out, hold it in your hand. Squeeze. It wants what it wants. It can be made of gold, glass, stone. It can stop anytime.”

How it Feels to Float is an honest portrayal of life with mental illness. The book will appeal to all readers, young and old. The writing will lure you in, but the characters will keep you enthralled. It’s a gorgeous book — well worth the read.

Thank you to the publisher for sending me a review copy in exchange for an honest review.

How It Feels To Float
Helena Fox
May 2019
Pan Macmillan Publishers

The award-winning author of The Hate U Give returns with a powerful story about hip hop, freedom of speech and fighting for your dreams, even as the odds are stacked against you.

Bri wants to be one of the greatest rappers of all time. As the daughter of an underground hip hop legend who died right before he hit big, Bri’s got massive shoes to fill.

But when her first song goes viral for all the wrong reasons, Bri finds herself at the centre of controversy and portrayed by the media as more menace than MC. And with an eviction notice staring her family down, Bri no longer just wants to make it – she has to. Even if it means becoming the very thing the public has made her out to be.

On the Come Up is the highly anticipated second novel from Angie Thomas, exploring racism, class, wealth and status, and also identity. Bri is a talented young rapper who wants to help lift her family out of poverty — her father was shot dead 12 years earlier by a rival gang and her mother Jay has recently lost her job. Jay used to be a drug addict and those years of unemployment mean that it’s really hard for her to find a new job. They’re struggling to pay the bills and Bri hopes that her rapping — and any money that comes from that — will help her family.

Bri is a teenager who doesn’t know who she wants to be. Yes, she wants to be a rapper. But what does she want to say to the world? When she writers her songs, what does she want people to know about her world?

All she knows is she wants to be on stage, performing for crowds. And when she does that, people listen. They cheer for her. Her talent and her ambition mean that her debut single On the Come Up becomes an overnight sensation. Radio hosts want to talk to her and kids are singing her lyrics in their cars.

But most people misunderstand her lyrics. Her song is about challenging and deconstructing stereotypes and calling out the unfairness of authority, but when people hear it they take it as proof that she’s a dangerous person.

When she sings her lyrics — “Strapped like backpacks, I pull triggers. All the clips on my hips change my figure” — it sounds to others like she’s boasting about violence and guns and painting herself to be an angry, black girl capable of killing cops. People misunderstand what she’s trying to say.

“That look on his face says more than he’s saying. ‘What’s wrong?’ I ask.
‘It’s just…you talked about doing stuff you’ve never actually done, Bri.’

On the Come Up explores talent and ambition, and the road blocks that come with that, not only for someone so young but for a person of colour who comes from a poor family. Bri is expected to be a certain kind of person because of where she comes from. Because of who her father was. And with that comes the expectation that she’ll rap about topics or situations that she knows nothing about.

At first, Bri doesn’t care. She’s rapping about what she wants and people are loving it. And then she catches the eye of a music manager and he’s pressuring her to be the kind of artist she never wanted to be, and it’s hard for Bri to choose the right path.

“Thing is, sometimes I follow the rules and still deal with crap. Sonny, Malik, and I went into a comic shop a few months back, and the clerk followed us around until we left the store. Malik recorded the whole thing on his camera.”

On the Come Up explores racism in a number of settings, but more specifically within Bri’s high school. A security guard targets her and throws her to the ground because she’s been selling candy to other students. This isn’t code word for drugs, she’s really just selling candy to other students and using the money to help her family.

There are no repercussions for the two security guards who did this. They return to work, and members of the public flock to support them. Bri feels wronged, like no matter what she does she’ll always be seen as the troublesome, angry black teenager because of the colour of her skin and where she comes from.

“Suddenly, it’s as if that punch was the green light some students were waiting for. A cluster of boys charge Long and Tate, taking them to the ground. Curtis is one of them. Fists fly and feet kick.”

This book is very powerful, and important for readers who come from a place of privilege. There’s a lot happening between the pages of this book that many readers will never come to understand.

This is not just recommended for teenage readers or young eyes. All readers will enjoy this story — all readers will find something in this book that will help them better understand a world they probably don’t know anything about.

Thank you to the publisher for sending me a copy in exchange for an honest review.

On the Come Up
Angie Thomas
February 2019
Walker Books Australia