JESS JUST READS

A BOOK REVIEW BLOG

The Satsuma Complex by Bob Mortimer

Gary Thorn goes for a pint with a work acquaintance called Brendan. When Brendan leaves early, Gary meets a girl in the pub. He doesn’t catch her name, but falls for her anyway. When she suddenly disappears without saying goodbye, all Gary has to remember her by is the book she was reading: The Satsuma Complex. But when Brendan goes missing, Gary needs to track down the girl he now calls Satsuma to get some answers.

And so begins Gary’s quest, through the estates and pie shops of South London, to finally bring some love and excitement into his unremarkable life…

Comedian Bob Mortimer’s debut novel The Satsuma Complex is a madcap comedic crime story, a rather bizarre and fast-paced tale.

Centred around thirty-year-old legal assistant Gary Thorn, who is a rather timid, shy loner, we meet a rather quirky cast of characters when Gary’s colleague is murdered not long after a trip to the pub. What ensues is a rather chaotic, nonsensical journey to find out the killer, as well as uncovering the identity of a mysterious woman that Gary met at the pub.

“My name is Gary. I’m a thirty-year-old legal assistant with a firm of solicitors in London. To describe me as anonymous would be unfair but to notice me other than in passing would be a rarity. I did make a good connection with a girl, but that blew up in my face and smacked my arse with a fish slice.”

Written in first-person, the narrative style feels very stream-of-consciousness. Unrestrained and travelling down tangents. I found there was very little introspection, so whilst the characters actions did suggest he was growing as a person – befriending and caring for his neighbour, chasing after a woman he believes could be a match – there is little internal dialogue to really help solidify the character’s progression in the story.

Additionally, the humour tries very hard in the story but ultimately falls flat. The dialogue, in particular, was unnatural and forced. Overly ridiculous at times and a bit cringey. I appreciate that fans of Bob’s humour might love his type of storytelling, but if you’re not familiar with his work and you go into the story blind, I dare say this isn’t going to be a story you’ll fall in love with.

“I was slightly perturbed by what Grace had to say, so I took a little stroll to calm me down. It’s something I often do when I feel ill at ease. This is how I use a walk to my advantage: I imagine, for example, that it’s a beautiful sunny day and I’m wearing a pair of baggy red corduroy shorts and a magnificent pair of tan yellow clogs.”

I appreciate that the story is a fast-paced, compact one, meaning you don’t have to sit with it too long. The story doesn’t drag, nor loiter. It is, after all, a crime novel and so the reader is engaged each chapter because we want to find out the killer’s identity.

My favourite character is Gary’s neighbour Grace – quick-witted, dry, and genuinely funny. She acts as a vessel for Gary to grow, especially as he learns to lean on another person and trust them enough to let them help him in his journey.

“Girlfriends are a topic I am never that comfortable talking about. I know I’m not good-looking but I’m not a full-on spud. I would describe my face as forgettable (certainly many people seem to forget it), and I’m five foot seven and a half inches, which is just one and a half inches below the national average (I’ve looked this up on many occasions).”

A rather absurd, oddball and accelerated tale suited for occasional readers, The Satsuma Complex skews male, 25+

Thank you to the publishing company for mailing me a review copy in exchange for an honest review.

The Satsuma Complex
Bob Mortimer
January 2023
Simon & Schuster Book Publishers

We All Want Impossible Things by Catherine Newman

Who knows you better than your best friend? Who knows your secrets, your fears, your desires, your strange imperfect self? Edi and Ash have been best friends for over forty years. Since childhood they have seen each other through life’s milestones: stealing vodka from their parents, the Madonna phase, REM concerts, unexpected wakes, marriages, infertility, children. As Ash notes, ‘Edi’s memory is like the back-up hard drive for mine.’

So when Edi is diagnosed with terminal cancer, Ash’s world reshapes around the rhythms of Edi’s care, from chipped ice and watermelon cubes to music therapy; from snack smuggling to impromptu excursions into the frozen winter night. Because life is about squeezing the joy out of every moment, about building a powerhouse of memories, about learning when to hold on, and when to let go.

Catherine Newman’s We All Want Impossible Things is a poignant tale of friendship and family, and following two women as one nears the end of her life from terminal cancer. Feeling more like a novella than a novel, the story wraps in just over 200 pages.

Admittedly, I DNFed this book the first time I started it but then forced myself to give it a second chance. I can see just how many readers love this one, and whilst there were definitely some positives, there were also a lot of elements to the story that I really struggled to enjoy. And so I feel like this book is a bit middle-of-the-road for me.

“Sicilian lemon polenta pound cake is Edi’s holy grail. She bought a piece at Dean & DeLuca in the mid-1990s, claimed it was the best cake she’d ever eaten, and then could nevr find it again. Even the very next week, when she returned to the store, they didn’t know what she was talking about and had no record of such a cake in their inventory.”

I like that Edi’s terminal cancer forms a framework for the novel – we know how their story will end, and so we are anchored by the rather rapid decline in her health. It helps to maintain the pacing of the story and keeps the story on track.

However, I felt like the structure of the book wasn’t quite what I was expecting from the blurb. We were thrown into this rather chaotic story with more chapters dedicated to Ash and her family than her friendship with Edi. I thought there’d be more to establish Ash and Edi’s lives and history together but there wasn’t. As a result, I didn’t really care too much for either character. I felt like Edi seemed very small in the story and didn’t hold much presence because Ash was such a dominant – perhaps too dominant – character. Ash was also such a grating character who made rather implausible decisions that I found her rather unlikeable.

“You know when you put on a sweater in the car, and then when you get to where you’re going you can’t figure out how to get out of your seat belt? That’s what it felt like trying to peel Edi out of her clothes.”

The chaotic nature in the book was rather noticeable in the dialogue – over-the-top, somewhat contrived writing that perhaps would work on screen but not on the page (for me). I didn’t warm to Ash in the book and so her endeavours with her family and her partners fell flat for me. Whilst I can appreciate what the writer is working to establish with the trajectory of Ash and her husband’s marriage, a lot of the scenes and conversations just seemed to be there for the sake of it – lots of rambled dialogue that didn’t seem to really say anything at all.

I don’t feel there was any growth for Ash, she only cared for herself, made everything about her, and I couldn’t understand why her estranged husband would want to get back together with her at the end of the book. And her relationship with her teenage daughter felt caricature and not at all realistic.

“I’ve been friends with Jonah as long as I’ve been friends with Edi, since Edi and I were assigned, in nursery school, to take care of Vinnie, the classroom Venus flytrap. We fed Vinnie bites of bologna from our sandwiches and sang him the Jewish folk song ‘Dona, Dona’ with so much tremulous vibrato that we actually made ourselves cry.”

Whilst this book didn’t sit well with me, I am conscious how popular it is with readers and so there is definitely an established audience. Readership skewing 30+

Thank you to the publishing company for mailing me a review copy in exchange for an honest review.

We All Want Impossible Things
Catherine Newman
November 2022
Penguin Random House Publishers

A Dowry of Blood by S.T. Gibson

A deliciously dark retelling of Dracula, A Dowry of Blood is a sensual story of obsession, desire and the lengths we will go to protect the ones we love.

Saved from the brink of death by a mysterious stranger, Constanta is transformed from a medieval peasant into a bride fit for an undying king. But when Dracula draws a cunning aristocrat and a starving artist into his web of passion and deceit, Constanta realizes that her beloved is capable of terrible things.

Finding comfort in the arms of her rival consorts, she begins to unravel their husband’s dark secrets. With the lives of everyone she loves on the line, Constanta will have to choose between her own freedom and her love for her husband. But bonds forged by blood can only be broken by death.

Exploring obsession, desire and queer relationships between vampires, S.T. Gibson’s A Dowry of Blood is written from the perspective of one of Dracula’s first wives and catalogues their relationship across the ensuing centuries as Dracula begins forming new marriages. Soon, a tale of love turns into a story of entrapment, and Constanta becomes desperate to leave.

The story chronicles a very large span of time over quite a short number of pages. And with a limited number of characters, the book does feel deliberately claustrophobic. We live in Constanta’s head for the entirety of the novel, and we watch as her obsession morphs into wariness. And then, finally, she gains motivation to change her circumstances.

“Those years are a dark smear across my memory; everything feels blurry and hollow. Plague drains not only victims but whole cities of life. It freezes trade, decays parishes, forbids lovemaking, turns childrearing into a dance with death. Most of all, it steals time.”

Most reviews about this book are glowing, and whilst there are elements of this book that are to be commended – the queer representation, the exploration of Dracula’s relationships in such a sensual manner, the beautiful European settings – the book fell flat for me. We move through the decades so quickly we don’t really have a lot of time to sit with any of the main characters, and I didn’t feel I grew to care for Constanta because other characters intersected in the plot far too quickly.

A story like this could move a little slower, allowing for deeper character development, and more exploration between Constanta and Dracula so that their dynamic is more solid before their relationship starts to change.

“We travelled by coach for days, drowsing in the sunlight hours and passing our time with quiet conversation or solitary activities by night. You became more withdrawn the closer we got to the Spanish border, referring to notes and letters you kept tucked into your datebook over and over again.”

Admittedly, the novel starts to feel repetitive as Dracula forms new romantic relationships. We have a short span of time with Dracula and Constanta, and then Magdalena comes along, and then, finally, Alexi. It felt like a cycle that just kept repeating but we weren’t learning anything new.

Another element I thought was under-explored – we didn’t have enough time to really explore the characters or their arcs because the book focused so much on sex. There was definitely room for us to experience these relationships on more than just a sexual level. Who were these characters outside of the bedroom? I’m not sure we ever really found out.

“Even surrounded by the flowering beauties of Spain, Magdalena’s loveliness was undeniable. She cut through the crowd like a shark darting through shallow waters, her teeth bared with laughter. She never missed a step, and never stayed with one partner for long.”

A sexual exploration of Dracula’s relationships, A Dowry of Blood is recommended for younger readers. Readership skews female, 18+

Thank you to the publishing company for mailing me a review copy in exchange for an honest review.

A Dowry of Blood
S.T. Gibson
October 2022
Hachette Book Publishers

The Island by Adrian McKinty

The Island is the next thrilling adventure from the mastermind behind The Chain, and a family story unlike any you’ve read yet.

You should not have come to the island.
You should not have been speeding.
You should not have tried to hide the body.
You should not have told your children that you could keep them safe.
No one can run forever . . .

Adrian McKinty’s The Island is a psychological thriller set largely on a remote Australian island off Melbourne, after a British family become trapped there during a holiday from hell. When they accidentally kill a local young woman, the chaotic, unhinged family of Australians who live on the island start to hunt them down.

When Tom and his children, along with his second wife Heather, travel to Australia off the back of a business trip, they’re unexpectedly thrust in to a life-and-death cat and mouse chase through remote Australian terrain.

“She could feel herself sinking. She was so thirsty. Everything ached. She was sitting cross-legged on the ground. A blood trail was making its way toward her through the dust. She tried to breathe. Breathing hurt. Her ribs hurt. The air was thick.”

I really wanted to like this book, and there were elements of the premise and the plot that intrigued me, but the writing is flawed and the story thinly developed. The dialogue is cliche and caricature, and there’s very little depth to the characters. Every conversation felt like something out of an action movie, not at all realistic nor believable. The main characters were so one-dimensional I didn’t like any of them – even the young teenage girl read much younger in some sections, like a scared child rather than the impressionable teenager she’s meant to be.

I know Adrian spent some time living in Australia, but this reads like someone who hasn’t spent enough time here. He wrote Australians to be so stereotypical and over-the-top. It’s rare to find an Australia who actually says ‘fair dinkum’ once, let alone regularly in a conversation. Even the British family weren’t overly likeable. The husband, Tom, freaks out about not getting his chosen hire car, but the main character talks about him like he’s an amazing husband and father — her feelings and his personality don’t match up.

“Olivia buried herself in Heather’s chest. She’d never really hugged her before except that one time at the wedding, before Christmas. And that was only out of politeness.”

On top of that, you have characters who make foolish decisions based on false beliefs (like believing, after the locals have killed people they love, that they might actually let them go if they surrender?). Other inconsistencies include the family on the island not actually being very good at tracking or hunting, even though they’re supposed to live and breathe this terrain? And why are the villains so overwritten? Jacko is ridiculous and so is Ma, to name just a couple of them. Unfortunately this just wasn’t the book for me.

“Heather watched helplessly as the children were sat down on the floor, their hands tied in front of them, and a noose run from each one’s neck to a hook in the ceiling. Another rope around the neck tied them to the wall of the shearing shed.”

The Island is suited for thriller and crime readers. Readership skews male, 25+

Thank you to the publisher for mailing me a copy in exchange for an honest review.

The Island
Adrian McKinty
May 2022
Hachette Book Publishers

Any Way the Wind Blows by Rainbow Rowell

In Carry On, Simon Snow and his friends realized that everything they thought they understood about the world might be wrong. And in Wayward Son, they wondered whether everything they understood about themselves might be wrong.

In Any Way the Wind Blows, Simon and Baz and Penelope and Agatha have to decide how to move forward.

For Simon, that means deciding whether he still wants to be part of the World of Mages — and if he doesn’t, what does that mean for his relationship with Baz? Meanwhile Baz is bouncing between two family crises and not finding any time to talk to anyone about his newfound vampire knowledge. Penelope would love to help, but she’s smuggled a cursed American Normal into London, and now she isn’t sure what to do with him. And Agatha? Well, Agatha Wellbelove has had enough.

Any Way the Wind Blows takes the gang back to England, back to Watford, and back to their families for their longest and most emotionally wrenching adventure yet. This book is a finale. It tells secrets and answers questions and lays ghosts to rest.

The third and final book in this young adult trilogy, Rainbow Rowell’s Any Way the Wind Blows brings Simon and Baz’s story to a close. It provides closure for Simon’s origin story, as well as the other characters we’ve met along the way.

Strengths include humour and wit, and the existence of magic in the story and how it develops over the course of the novel. Interpersonal relationships and emotional intelligence is also another strength, as characters start to cross paths again and are forced to confront deep-rooted insecurities.

“I thought maybe Snow didn’t want to share a bed with me because he was afraid I’d bite him in my sleep. But apparently that’s fine! Bloodletting is fine – intimacy is the real taboo!”

This final book in the series will please fans of the series who have been holding out for some Simon and Baz romance. But to be perfectly honest, this book has a pretty non-existent plot. It feels like it’s been written purely to serve the fans, and it wasn’t necessarily written because it needed to be. Hardly anything happens, and the novel is mainly driven by dialogue. The mystery comes in quite late in the novel and is solved rather fast. The ‘villain’ in the book doesn’t hold enough presence in the novel, and is not intimidating enough for his role.

The best part of the book is the moments of humour peppered throughout the chapter, but they’re few and far in between. And the novel moves between so many different characters, it gives a bit of whiplash. I feel like those who have read the first two books will be interested in seeing how it ends, and the writing is certainly accessible enough to make reading this quite easy, but overall, this is quite a disappointing conclusion. The plot was so limited it actually felt like book 2 in a trilogy.

“It wasn’t quite like that. I didn’t chicken out. It was more like I got overwhelmed. I couldn’t stop thinking about what Baz had said and how I needed to talk to him. Immediately, it felt like some window was closing. It was probably already closed, and I’d need to break it open.”

There were certain elements of the characterisation that didn’t quite ring true. Baz and Simon are really horny for each other in this, which is fine, but a lot of the book is about Simon trying to mature and have a real relationship and the introspection feels fleeting and overlooked at times. Any moments of tension or clashing pass over so quickly, you wonder why they had to happen in the first place.

Also, if my memory serves me correctly, Simon was quite anxious and shy about his feelings for Baz in previous books. And in this book, he’s gone from 0-100?

“The good thing about my aunt’s terrible flat is that I can do some light hunting without even leaving the building. I just have to dispose of the empty rodents when I’m done.”

For readers who are up to date with the trilogy, it’s nice to see how the story ends. But this is not the explosive finale that I anticipated. Readership skews female, 14+

Thank you to the publisher for mailing me a review copy in exchange for an honest review.

Any Way the Wind Blows (Simon Snow #3)
Rainbow Rowell
July 2021
Pan Macmillan Book Publishers