Claire has returned from London to the dust and familiarity of her childhood home, only to realise something is wrong with her partner Maggie.

Patrick is a lonely uni student, until he meets Caitlin – but does she feel as connected as he does?

Ana is happily married with three children. Then, one night, she falls in love with someone else.

Based on three true stories, Heartsick is a compelling narrative nonfiction account of the many lows and occasional surprising highs of heartbreak. Bruising, beautiful, achingly specific but wholeheartedly universal, it reminds us that emotional pain can make us as it breaks us, and that storytelling has the ultimate healing power.

Jessie Stephens’ Heartsick documents three lives affected by heartbreak. Whilst names have been changed and small details have been altered, Ana, Patrick and Claire resemble three very real individuals who have — at some point — felt truly alone in experiences with love. Readers will devour this.

Predominantly non-fiction with a slight amount of fictional embellishment cast through inner dialogue, Heartsick will appeal to all readers who’ve experienced romantic trauma — heartbreak, whether you caused it or were the recipient, isn’t a feeling we easily forget.

“I wrote the book for people who know that a self-help book won’t fix it. No book will. And for the people who know there’s no such thing as distraction because there’s someone living behind your eyes and they shape everything you see. I wrote this book because I know what it is to feel fundamentally unlovable. Like there’s something wrong with you. It is their story — Ana’s and Patrick’s and Claire’s. But it is also my story and our story.”

Written in third person and rotating between the three stories in linear fashion like a roll call, Heartsick reads like fiction and will completely absorb readers. The book captures that visceral experience of a relationship ending. Jessie offers great insight into how these three people felt at these pivotal moments in their relationship. The inner dialogue offers characterisation, as well as emotional observations that readers will be able to relate to. Each of the three main characters regularly reflect on their life, allowing for quiet moments in the book.

Despite being non-fiction, Jessie builds tension throughout each chapter. You experience love building between two people, and then you witness the ups and downs of their relationship, and then ultimately the final downfall. I felt great empathy for Patrick, whose love for his girlfriend is so strong, and it’s clear it may not be reciprocated. And Ana being married to the wrong man but being unable to follow what she truly wants is something I’ll be thinking about for days to come.

“We can’t understand how they tucked everything they once felt for us away into a back pocket and forgot about it. As though it never existed. We keep fantasising that they’ll find their old pair of jeans and pull them on, only to rediscover that feeling they’d misplaced.”

Jessie captures love at different ages. We meet Patrick at university and we stay with him until his early 20s. Claire is also in her twenties, but a little older. And Ana is in her 40s, with a husband and children, and a home she resents being inside. The end of the book offers great reflection from each of these characters, as their stories don’t just end with the relationships breaking down. We witness their turmoil afterwards, and them desperately trying to piece their life back together after it shattered.

Heartsick will either make you feel grateful for the love you have now, or will make you feel like you’re not alone as you currently go through love that’s been lost. Heartache and heartbreak is something all humans should be able to relate to, and understand.

“Heartbreak does not seem to be a brand of grief we respect. And so we are left in the middle of the ocean, floating in a dinghy with no anchor, while the world waits for us to be okay again.”

Raw, relatable and honest, and dripping with emotional insight, Heartsick is highly recommended reading. Anyone who has experienced a broken heart is about to remember it.

Thank you to the publisher for mailing me a review copy in exchange for an honest review.

Heartsick
Jessie Stephens
April 2021
Pan Macmillan Publishers

Licensed therapist and respected mental health writer Dr. Kathleen Smith offers a smart, practical antidote to our anxiety-ridden times. Everything Isn’t Terrible is an informative, and fun guide – featuring a healthy dose of humour – for people who want to become beacons of calmness in our anxious world.

Like Sarah Knight’s No F*cks Given guides and You Are a Badass, Everything Isn’t Terrible will inspire readers to confront their anxious selves, take charge of their anxiety, and increase their own capacity to choose how they respond to it. Comprised of short chapters containing anecdotal examples from Smith’s personal experience as well as those of her clients, in addition to engaging, actionable exercises for readers, Everything Isn’t Terrible will give anyone suffering from anxiety all the tools they need to finally … calm … down. Ultimately, living a calmer, less anxious life – one that, in other words, isn’t terrible – is possible, and with this book Smith will show you how to do it.

Everything Isn’t Terrible by Kathleen Smith is designed to help readers conquer their anxieties and their anxious habits, and discover ways to move forward without as much stress and worry.

Kathleen Smith works as a therapist and in each chapter, she gives an example of a patient she’s met whose anxiety was negatively impacting their life in some way. We meet Monica, whose strained relationship with her mother and brother was causing issues between her and her father. We meet Richard, who was worried about introducing his boyfriend of two years to his family.

The structure of the book allows for an easy and quick read — each chapter is relatively short and focuses on a different example. A different type of anxiety.

“I can’t overstate how important observation is when it comes to lowering anxiety in your family. Often people will try to jump in and change themselves (or others!) without getting a good sense of how their family functions.”

Katherine Smith is interested in a particular type of anxiety, and she follows Bowen Theory to guide her patients to a calmer, healthier life. Bowen Theory believes that our anxieties stem from our relationships, and that if we study the relationships in our lives and work to manage them better, it’ll have a natural flow-on effect towards our anxious minds.

Because we meet different patients and scenarios in each chapter, there’ll be parts of this book that you won’t feel connected to, and parts of the book that you read and think ‘yes, I recognise this in my own life’. I’m guilty of skipping a couple of chapters because I felt no connection or similarity with the anxious issue that was being discussed.

“Dr. Bowen taught that if anxiety is generated in our relationships, then it can also be fixed in our relationships. Therefore, long-term change doesn’t happen in isolation, or even on a therapist’s couch. It happens when we’re willing to work on being our best selves in our most difficult relationships.”

If you’ve been following my blog, you’ll know that I read a lot of these kinds of books. I’m an anxious over-thinker who stresses too much. I wouldn’t say books like these are going to ‘fix’ that — at least not instantly — but they’re helpful in making you feel like you’re not alone. Books like Everything Isn’t Terrible pass along useful knowledge, insights and advice for people who spend too much time worrying about things they can’t change, and stressing over things they can change but don’t know how to.

Kathleen’s writing is insightful, instructive and clear. Readers will find her advice realistic and easy to follow, and this book feels like a hands-on approach, and the perfect companion to any bookshelf.

Everything isn’t Terrible teaches us that we can’t always change the situation — or relationship — we’re in, but we can adapt how we react or respond to that relationship. People tend to act a certain way when they’re stressed or anxious, and Kathleen allows us to take a step back and observe the situation from afar with fresh eyes. This may help readers confront a part of their lives that has been bringing them worry.

“When you go into relationships and try to do something different, people usually aren’t going to like it. Your family or office doesn’t want you to upset the balance they’ve cultivated to keep things calm. So when you change, there will be a temporary increase of anxiety in the system.”

This book does deal with a very specific type of issue, and it asks the reader to examine the relationships in their life. I think the title, cover and blurb implies a much broader focus, so some readers may be misguided and not find what they need inside these pages.

Helpful, insightful and a welcome addition to the family bookshelf. Recommended.

Thank you to the publisher for mailing me a review copy in exchange for an honest review.

Everything Isn’t Terrible
Kathleen Smith
February 2020
Hachette Book Publishers

Overthinking, ruminating, worrying: bestselling author Gwendoline Smith explains this common form of anxiety and offers helpful advice for overcoming it.

Overthinking is also known as worrying or ruminating and it’s a form of anxiety that many people suffer from.

Psychologist and bestselling author Gwendoline Smith explains in clear and simple language the concepts of positive and negative overthinking, the truth about worry and how to deal with the ‘thought viruses’ that are holding you back.

She helps you understand what’s going on in your head, using humour, lots of examples and anecdotes, and she offers powerful strategies for addressing your issues.

Based on cognitive behavioural theory, this book will help you in all the key areas of your life: from your personal life to relationships and work.

The Book of Overthinking by Gwendoline Smith is a guide to worrying less — an instruction manual for those who are anxious and stressed, and who are looking for ways to calm their thoughts.

Filled with information, advice, exercises, and even homework, at the very least this book will make you feel like you’re not alone — like there are other people who worry as much as you do, and there are ways you can manipulate your mind to stop stressing so much.

Gwendoline fills the pages with plenty of modern day examples, so that even the most confused reader can understand the messages and advice in the book.

“Let’s take a look at negative overthinking. Studies show that getting stuck in your head, focusing on negative events (and therefore experiencing feelings of regret, self-blame), can be the biggest predictor of some of todays’ most common mental-health problems, such as anxiety and depression.”

The beginnings of the book are dedicated to how overthinking can have an impact on our physical and mental state — our bodies, our minds, our emotions, our relationships. Evidently, there is a strong connection between overthinking and anxiety, and also overthinking and depression.

There will be some moments where you recognise yourself in Gwendoline’s descriptions, and it can be a sobering moment. It’ll make you feel like picking up the book was the right decision.

Gwendoline has a really warm, inviting ‘voice’ in the book. Her language is easy to understand, and readers will find comfort in how she explains concepts and terminology.

The ‘homework’ in the book is structured like a therapy session — “It’s just you, me and the whiteboard” — and Gwendoline asks readers to reflect on what they’ve been worrying about. There are sections of the book where you’re encourage to write down your emotions and feelings, in an effort to confront your worrisome state of mind. This helps build a connection with the reader, and allows them to examine their own behaviour in a non-confronting manner.

“Look back on the worst situation you have ever been through in your life. You may have lost a parent, had a nasty divorce, lost your job. You are still here, so I’m guessing you got through it OK. It would appear that thinking based in truth could go more like this: ‘This isn’t great, but I’ve been through worse and made it to the other side.’”

Gwendoline acknowledges that there is a certain level of worrying that is healthy. If you’re a parent, for example, there are going to be moments when worrying about your family is natural. But it’s about understanding when that worrying tips over into the unhealthy, negative space.

I found the diagrams and accompanying visuals to be just as helpful as Gwendoline’s words. I’m a visual learner, so the charts or drawings really helped me understand how worrisome overthinking can be both understood, and confronted.

For any reader who feels overwhelmed by the content in the book, there is an appendix at the back with a lot of summary information, and there are summaries scattered throughout the book which will help ease readers as well.

“With endless overthinking the brain becomes hyper-vigilant, constantly on the lookout for anything it perceives to be dangerous or worrisome. This creates a state of living in fear and agitation.”

Truthfully, I read a lot of these books and I have yet to come across one that I really feel solves the problem. I’m not sure that any book — or multiple books — have the power to really stop a worrier from worrying all the time. I think it’s just important for people who are anxious and stressed to have these kinds of books on their shelves so they can pull them out in a moment of need.

I’m not sure that the homework in the book is necessary, and not sure how many readers will actually complete it. Instead, they may just follow it through in their minds, which could be just as helpful.

Recommended for the seasoned worrier. A quick read and suitable companion for a bookshelf.

Thank you to the publisher for mailing me a review copy in exchange for an honest review.

The Book of Overthinking
Gwendoline Smith
February 2020
Allen & Unwin Publishers

The essence of successful therapy is the relationship between the therapist and the patient, a dance of growing trust and understanding. It is an intimate, messy, often surprising and sometimes confusing business -but when it works, it’s life-changing.

In The Talking Cure, psychotherapists Gill Straker and Jacqui Winship bring us nine inspiring stories of transformation.

They introduce us to their clients, fictional amalgams of real-life cases, and reveal how the art of talking and listening helps us to understand deep-seated issues that profoundly influence who we are in the world and how we see ourselves in relation to others. We come to understand that the transformative power of the therapeutic relationship can be replicated in our everyday lives by the simple practice of paying attention and being present with those we love.

Whether you have experienced therapy (or are tempted to try it), or you are just intrigued by the possibilities of a little-understood but transformative process, this wise and compassionate book will deepen your sense of what it is to be open to connection – and your appreciation that to be human is to be a little bit mad.

The Talking Cure by Professor Gillian Straker and Dr Jacqui Winship brings together eight common struggles brought to therapists.

In each chapter, we meet a different patient with a very different issue that they’re struggling with, and Gillian and Jacqui track their progress and break down their struggles for the reader. Whilst each story in this book is fictional — for confidentiality reasons — the patients are an amalgamation of real patients that exist in the world.

Each hidden struggle in the book is something that is commonly experienced by people within — and outside — of a therapist’s office, including difficult children, closed-off boyfriends, spouses shaken by an unexpected affair, people-pleasers, and more.

It’s quite surprising to recognise yourself in some of these patients. You find yourself genuinely fascinated to see some of your own behaviour in these fictional people, and you can’t help but glimpse the checklist at the end of each chapter to see how much of that ‘category’ you might fit into.

“Meredith had spent so much time thinking about Jade, and imagining her needs and wishes, that her capacity to observe and see her daughter’s actual needs and wishes was impaired. Jade had become a creation of Meredith’s own making.”

Insightful and interesting, The Talking Cure will entice many adult readers interested in learning more about psychology of humans. Don’t try to diagnose yourself with this book though. As I’ve mentioned, the stories in each of the chapters are fictitious and the checklists are merely there as a guide, so take this experience with a grain of salt.

“As I sat in the room with Charlene I experienced her loneliness. Yet even as she was sharing her distress, I felt strangely unmoved. I didn’t feel invited into her world. I felt spoken at rather than spoken to; it seemed to me that I was being asked to bear witness to a story Charlene was telling, but I was prohibited from participating in a dialogue with her.”

Admittedly, The Talking Cure feels a little formulaic after a while. You meet the patient, the psychiatrist reflects on what the ‘struggle’ is and what its effect is, the psychiatrist asks about their childhood and determines that their relationship with their parents and/or siblings explains how they are now, the psychiatrist asks questions to make the patient realise this on their own, and then there’s a checklist for readers to follow. It’s obviously part of the process, but to be completely honest, I was a bit bored by the 5th or 6th chapter.

Additionally, I found Gillian and Jacqui to be incredibly cold in their exchange with the patients (or at least their documented exchange), and truthfully, I never felt that I warmed to either of them throughout the book. There’s something removed about reading these stories, where you never really feel like you’re ‘there’. You feel like a fly on the wall, and sometimes it’s not that interesting.

I’d recommend this book to adult readers who are genuinely interested in the psychology of the human experience, but if you need a little guidance or help with your life, I don’t think this is the first book you should pick up in your journey.

Thank you to the publisher for mailing me a review copy in exchange for an honest review.

The Talking Cure: Normal people, their hidden struggles and the life-changing power of therapy
Professor Gillian Straker and Dr Jacqui Winship
June 2019
Pan Macmillan Publishers